Well, even though I'm exhausted right now, I'm feeling pretty good. The single-most important feature I had to implement is now FINISHED! When I started a week ago, it was like looking down the barrel of a loaded gun. I was scared shitless, but it seems like taking baby steps, and keeping your nose to the grindstone really does pay off. It turns out that it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. My work is far from done, but one major milestone is under my belt, and I feel great! All I have to do is keep up this pace, and I think I'll actually make the October 15th deadline. Woohooo!! Graduation here I come!
P.S. I fucking hate it when people are disrespectful of people in the library. Fuck them all.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Good Day / Bad Day
Today is one of the bad ones. I'm frustrated with my work (school-work... my actual job is dandy). Normally I'm all for learning something new, but I'm in one hell of a pissfire today. I suppose it's just a combination of exhaustion, stubbornness, and frustration. I feel like I'm in a bubble that I want out of, and the only way to do it, is to do the work that I'm frustrated with and not passionate about anymore. I feel lost - there are so many things to know, that I know halfway or don't know at all, and I have to figure them out on my own. I'm not the brightest math person, or even programmer for that matter, but I DO like a challenge. I'm just sick of the challenges right now and there's one around every corner. I'm dreaming about ordinary differential equation solvers and different software architectural patterns right now, and I don't like it!!!!
I just want to be a crazy heavy metal chick who can actually hang out when invited, and bake lovely little pastries for people. That's it. Hopefully in a few short months I'll be able to do just that. I can't wait to just have a full-time job.
/endRant
I just want to be a crazy heavy metal chick who can actually hang out when invited, and bake lovely little pastries for people. That's it. Hopefully in a few short months I'll be able to do just that. I can't wait to just have a full-time job.
/endRant
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Babies, Drugs, and Rock -n- Roll
Contrary to popular belief, I do not hate children. Just because I have not yet chosen to bring a life into this world myself, does not mean that I hate children, or do not ever want to have children. I do, however, have some strong views on this subject (keep in mind that these are my opinions):
I believe that if you bring a life into this world that you ought to have a damn good reason to. Having children to bring attention to yourself, keep a marriage together, or because your biological clock is ticking are not good reasons. Not good enough for me anyway. If you bring a life into this world for those reasons, then you're short-changing that life.
Population growth is exponential, and being the consumer world we are now, our resources will therefore decline exponentially. Yes, the Earth will most likely survive this, but we as the current life forms on this planet may not. I lived next to a family of four, and I could not believe how much garbage they produced. Quite sickening. We need to take care of our Earth, and bringing more consumers into it makes matters worse - especially when there is no regard for it in the first place.
If you ask me, however, what would justify bringing a life into this world, I could not answer it. This is precisely why I have not yet done so. I have not found my reason yet, and I'm not sure I ever will. Some people have called me selfish, but my logical mind cannot comprehend how it could be considered so. I think it's quite the opposite actually. I feel like that for now, one reason is that this decision I've made is helping further our life on this earth by reducing carbon emissions. I'm taking my time to prepare myself if I ever do decide to have children. If I do ever have one, I'd like to have a game plan. Taking the time to be well prepared is not selfish!
Lets not forget that I have my own proverbial baby right now - my thesis. For the past 4 years, I've been working on my masters degree and working full time. If I were to have a "miracle" during all of this, would I be able to carry on? Most likely the answer is "no". Right now I barely have enough time as it is to accomplish the things that I've previously committed to. Is it ok with everybody that I finish one feat before I start another? /endSarcasm
I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I know what parenting a human is like. From what I've heard from real parents though, is that it is hard, and you don't get much sleep. I've also heard that it's the most beautiful thing in the world. This is a bit naive, but it sounds like my friggin thesis! (only a bit less rewarding) It's been very hard, and I don't get much sleep. I don't get to go out much because of it. (I don't have to find a babysitter though, so you got me there) I know all those mothers out there are probably rolling their eyes, but just let me just say this - You probably haven't gone through a computer science masters program and chosen the thesis option either. I'm only saying this because this has been a very hard 4 years - and you don't know it unless you've been through it. I saw some pretty dark times. After I have a real baby, if I ever do, I'll let you know which one was harder, and it'll probably be the MS.
I think it's obvious that I've worked hard. If it isn't, then I'm telling you right now. With that said, I also like to play hard, and I'm absolutely sick of being judged for it. Yes, I like to drink. Alot. I also love going to heavy metal shows alot. This doesn't mean that I like to drink all of the time or go to concerts all of the time, and that I'm some sort of degenerate. If I was, I wouldn't get the things accomplished that I set out to do, and certainly wouldn't be just about done with my MS.
So, before you go judging one part of my lifestyle, make sure you look at all the other facets of my life. If I haven't seen you in a long time, it's not because I don't like you, or your babies, or your pets, or your house. It's because I'm busy as well, and it's going to stay that way until my Thesis is finished.
I love you all. Please accept me for who I am, and what I have chosen as of right now to do with my life, and I will accept you. I think having children is great - for the right reasons, it's just not for me yet. If you know me, then you should know this. With that said, I am going to be MIA for the next few months so I can finish having my own "baby". Don't take it personal, and don't worry - I won't bore you with the details.
I believe that if you bring a life into this world that you ought to have a damn good reason to. Having children to bring attention to yourself, keep a marriage together, or because your biological clock is ticking are not good reasons. Not good enough for me anyway. If you bring a life into this world for those reasons, then you're short-changing that life.
Population growth is exponential, and being the consumer world we are now, our resources will therefore decline exponentially. Yes, the Earth will most likely survive this, but we as the current life forms on this planet may not. I lived next to a family of four, and I could not believe how much garbage they produced. Quite sickening. We need to take care of our Earth, and bringing more consumers into it makes matters worse - especially when there is no regard for it in the first place.
If you ask me, however, what would justify bringing a life into this world, I could not answer it. This is precisely why I have not yet done so. I have not found my reason yet, and I'm not sure I ever will. Some people have called me selfish, but my logical mind cannot comprehend how it could be considered so. I think it's quite the opposite actually. I feel like that for now, one reason is that this decision I've made is helping further our life on this earth by reducing carbon emissions. I'm taking my time to prepare myself if I ever do decide to have children. If I do ever have one, I'd like to have a game plan. Taking the time to be well prepared is not selfish!
Lets not forget that I have my own proverbial baby right now - my thesis. For the past 4 years, I've been working on my masters degree and working full time. If I were to have a "miracle" during all of this, would I be able to carry on? Most likely the answer is "no". Right now I barely have enough time as it is to accomplish the things that I've previously committed to. Is it ok with everybody that I finish one feat before I start another? /endSarcasm
I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I know what parenting a human is like. From what I've heard from real parents though, is that it is hard, and you don't get much sleep. I've also heard that it's the most beautiful thing in the world. This is a bit naive, but it sounds like my friggin thesis! (only a bit less rewarding) It's been very hard, and I don't get much sleep. I don't get to go out much because of it. (I don't have to find a babysitter though, so you got me there) I know all those mothers out there are probably rolling their eyes, but just let me just say this - You probably haven't gone through a computer science masters program and chosen the thesis option either.
I think it's obvious that I've worked hard. If it isn't, then I'm telling you right now. With that said, I also like to play hard, and I'm absolutely sick of being judged for it. Yes, I like to drink. Alot. I also love going to heavy metal shows alot. This doesn't mean that I like to drink all of the time or go to concerts all of the time, and that I'm some sort of degenerate. If I was, I wouldn't get the things accomplished that I set out to do, and certainly wouldn't be just about done with my MS.
So, before you go judging one part of my lifestyle, make sure you look at all the other facets of my life. If I haven't seen you in a long time, it's not because I don't like you, or your babies, or your pets, or your house. It's because I'm busy as well, and it's going to stay that way until my Thesis is finished.
I love you all. Please accept me for who I am, and what I have chosen as of right now to do with my life, and I will accept you. I think having children is great - for the right reasons, it's just not for me yet. If you know me, then you should know this. With that said, I am going to be MIA for the next few months so I can finish having my own "baby". Don't take it personal, and don't worry - I won't bore you with the details.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Beautiful Night
Tonight has got to be one of the most beautiful summer nights of the year so far. I've got all my windows open, and am enjoying the cool 74 degree breeze coming through. It makes me want to sit outside with a good book, and just soak it all in, because I know it's probably not going to last long. Instead I'm sitting here in front of the computer, but at least I'm still able to enjoy it. Off to thesis....
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Python and Sleep
Major breakthroughs tonight! Unlike past weeks, I have been very diligent this time. I took the time Saturday and Sunday to sit down with "the baby", and I've got to say, it really paid off. It should go without saying that the more time you spend with something, the more comfortable you get. I'm getting more comfortable with Python, because I'm spending more time with it. Not only that, but it stays fresh in my memory, and I find that every time I sit down, I spend less time "recapping" what the hell I did the last time. All in all, the invested time paid off, and I'm really happy! If you want to hear all the gory (and not so gory) details of what happened this week, feel free to visit the official Thesis site. If you just wanna see what it looks like, then I'll give you a lil' teaser:
Whooo yeah now that's sexy.
Ok, so now that the good news is out on the table - because of my high productivity levels, I've lost sleep and it sucks. I hate being tired all the time, and having to prop my eyelids up with toothpicks damnit. I'm going to bed early tonight though. The sugarplums await.
Whooo yeah now that's sexy.
Ok, so now that the good news is out on the table - because of my high productivity levels, I've lost sleep and it sucks. I hate being tired all the time, and having to prop my eyelids up with toothpicks damnit. I'm going to bed early tonight though. The sugarplums await.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Over Stimulated!!
Today is one of those days where I am over-stimulated, over ambitious, and can't focus on one thing long enough to really get anything done!! I'm hoping that once I get home tonight I'll be able to focus on thesis work, and then it's on to Otsegoville. That puppy needs some real work. I have half a mind to set up a dev machine just for it. I think I may just do that, so deployment will be swift as far as the user is concerned. Yippeeeee Thesis thesis thesis.... keep focused... lol
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Venus
Ohhhh boys and girls, I am so happeh!
Recently I've been busy with Thesis (a.k.a. "The Baby"), trying to get the next "chapter" finished. This isn't a paper I'm writing, but a program written in Python and Scilab. You can find links to everything here: www.otsegoville.com/Thesis. Anyway, to get back to the meat and potatoes of the story - I had a major breakthrough with my program today. Up until today, I had a version of my program that simulated the Sun, the Earth, and the Earth's Moon. All of their values were hard-coded, but it did work! I have been working on a way to specify an arbitrary number of planets, and was hitting a whole bunch of brick walls in the process. Well, finally today, I GOT IT TO WORK!! I was able to dynamically read in the values for the Sun, Earth, Earth's Moon, AND Venus! It all worked perfectly and I couldn't be happier! This was only the Scilab portion of the code, however. This is the most involved part, because it's the script that actually does the ODE calculations. Now, what I've got to do is find a way to have python read in each of the planet's coordinates, and SIMULATE!!!! More to come...
Recently I've been busy with Thesis (a.k.a. "The Baby"), trying to get the next "chapter" finished. This isn't a paper I'm writing, but a program written in Python and Scilab. You can find links to everything here: www.otsegoville.com/Thesis. Anyway, to get back to the meat and potatoes of the story - I had a major breakthrough with my program today. Up until today, I had a version of my program that simulated the Sun, the Earth, and the Earth's Moon. All of their values were hard-coded, but it did work! I have been working on a way to specify an arbitrary number of planets, and was hitting a whole bunch of brick walls in the process. Well, finally today, I GOT IT TO WORK!! I was able to dynamically read in the values for the Sun, Earth, Earth's Moon, AND Venus! It all worked perfectly and I couldn't be happier! This was only the Scilab portion of the code, however. This is the most involved part, because it's the script that actually does the ODE calculations. Now, what I've got to do is find a way to have python read in each of the planet's coordinates, and SIMULATE!!!! More to come...
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